Enjoy the splatter.ĭevils Backbone Brewing Company-Hibiscus Hard Lemon (Bunnyman) The twins then begins to knock off the campers in some extremely creative (and extremely gruesome) ways. They find the perfect place to camp out, but end up crossing paths with twin brothers, Simon and Stanley. You will thank me later.Synopsis- Five college friends choose to spend their vacation debauching at the riverside. Glover’s house right now reading this review on your cell phone and planning on heading toward my house with a pickaxe for defaming your one true love, skip this one. So unless you are in the bushes outside of Mr. I do appreciate Crispin Glover but frankly this film is just awful.
SIMON SAYS 2006 MOVIE
You need to be as drunk and stoned as the ill-fated teens in this movie to get anything out of it other than a headache. Much like a flying pickaxe racing toward your head, I advise you to steer clear of SIMON SAYS. Perhaps, this movie could have even worked as a short with nothing but Stanley killing campers in creative and comical ways. He even kills random people in the woods for no apparent reason other than to boost the film’s body count. The second half of the film basically becomes a gore-fest and Stanley does manage to find some interesting and humorous ways of killing folks. Yes, I realize how ridiculous that sounds but I found it mildly amusing. This includes a pickaxe slinger that sends pickaxes through the air like automatic weapon fire. Stanley is apparently very handy and has scattered a variety of elaborate killing machines throughout the woods. If the film has anything going for it, it is the death scenes. With SIMON SAYS, I did not know whom to root for and ultimately it made me lose interest in both. You really only have two choices with these types of films, either you like the characters and root for them to defeat the killer or you hate them and cheer the killer on each time he delivers a fresh kill. However, one huge mistake that veteran writer/director (Dear) makes is that the obnoxious teens actually get less obnoxious as the movie goes on. And in agonizingly typical slasher fashion, Stanley kills off the obnoxious teens one by one.įor the life of me, I could not tell if these young actors were just working with bad material or were just plain bad. Missing their close connection, Stanley develops a split personality and lives as both Simon and Stanley. The story goes that back when they were kids, Stanley (the evil twin), jealous of his retarded brother Simon, murders his brother and the rest of his family in the woods. Since you can smell this one coming a mile away, I’ll spill the beans.
They cross paths with the eccentric twin brothers Stanley and Simon, both portrayed by Glover-well, sort of. But, does that deter these future Mensa members? Of course, there is a local legend of a psychotic killer who roams the woods in the surrounding area. The plot follows a group of ridiculously stereotypical teenagers who drive a hippy van, right out of TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE and the devil only knows how many others, up to camp by the river in the old prospecting country. And, I’ll refrain from dumping all over the hokey special effects since that was one element that actually worked. Especially since many of them appeared to be CGI. Sure, this is low budget by today’s standards, but it is certainly more than enough to make a good horror movie. Except for one thing, they had a budget-approximately 3 million dollars, according to IMDB. SIMON SAYS is your typical no-budget slasher. The second half of the film actually does improve as a maniacal Crispin Glover embarks on a (perhaps intentionally funny) rampage with a slew of self-made bOOby traps and more pickaxes than you can find at all the Home Depots in all of the western United States. At approximately 48 minutes into William Dear’s SIMON SAYS, I paused the film so I could wash off the stink. That was the welcoming sound of a hot shower. Steamy, roaring water cascaded down to the ceramic tile floor. William Dear directs this gleefully gore-drenched film Blake Lively co-stars. Now, the teens must claw their way out of the woods without springing one of the brothers’ ingeniously lethal snares. When five college pals head into the wilderness for a little rest and relaxation, they run headlong into Simon and Stanley (both played by Crispin Glover), backwoods twin brothers with a fondness for booby traps rigged with flying pickaxes.
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